Goodness, it’s that time of the week again already. This week’s top five was suggested by Andy (the drummer in my band) on account of the current rodent-like structure that has somehow attached itself to the lower part of my face. So without further ado, I proudly present the Top Five Beards in Indie Rock*.
I’ve been quite strict with my judging, so in the interests of parity, here’s the criteria I was assessing:
First and foremost: THICKNESS. Any scrappy, bum-fluff attempts at facial furniture (Brandon Flowers, Chris Martin, et al) need not apply…
Next on the list was COVERAGE. Obviously ‘staches and goatees were instantly eliminated (maybe there’ll be a Top 5 ‘Staches in the coming weeks…), but to make the final five I was looking for a full, even cover of most of the lower face. This sadly knocked Dave Grohl out of the running as, despite his long term love of facial hair, he has far too much cheek on display.
GROOMING was also a crucial factor, and possibly a contentious one at that. A neat neck-line was a plus, but over-egging the pudding (a la Prince) was a negative.
FAME. In the event of two beards being of equal might and worthiness, the deciding factor was merely one of in-band rank: front-men out rank bassists, guitarists outrank drummers, etc.
Last but not least, COMMITMENT was arguably the most important of the judging criteria. Any rockstar can grow a beard for a couple of months or so, but what we were looking for here was a long-term beard strategy; i.e. noone actually knows what their face looks like…
5. Kenny Anderson from King Creosote. Number five of our list of hirsute rock demi-gods is the quiet, unassuming frontman/songwriter from Scotish darlings Kind Creosote, and co-founder of Shcotish uber-indie label Fence Records, Kenny Anderson. Well trimmed, and possibly patchy on the upper lip, but a marvelous effort nonetheless.
4. Devendra Banhart. Straggly and monstrous, and that’s just his music. Devendra, of American-Venezuelan upbringing, is the leading light in the Weird Folk movement, but as far as I’m concerned his most significant achievement to-date was showing the world that (his ex. squeeze) Natalie Portman has a thing for beards…
3. Sam Beam from Iron and Wine. Sometimes unkempt and huge, sometimes neat and trimmed, yet always so, so dense. Beam’s brush is a lesson to us all.
2. Ben Bridwell from Band of Horses. All hail the almighty neck-beard. Clearly a discerning man of taste and style.
1. E from Eels. The king of all indie rock beards by some distance, and as far as I can tell it’s the only one on this list to be worn “ironically”. Bask in the glory of its thickness and coverage.
*This is also an mp3less post, owing to my decision to keep this blog 100% legal.
Eaten by Monsters 
19 November 2008
He that hath no beard is less than a man: a Top 5
Posted by Tom under comment, music, Wednesday Top Five | Tags: beard, hairy, hirsute |[5] Comments
Goodness, it’s that time of the week again already. This week’s top five was suggested by Andy (the drummer in my band) on account of the current rodent-like structure that has somehow attached itself to the lower part of my face. So without further ado, I proudly present the Top Five Beards in Indie Rock*.
I’ve been quite strict with my judging, so in the interests of parity, here’s the criteria I was assessing:
First and foremost: THICKNESS. Any scrappy, bum-fluff attempts at facial furniture (Brandon Flowers, Chris Martin, et al) need not apply…
Next on the list was COVERAGE. Obviously ‘staches and goatees were instantly eliminated (maybe there’ll be a Top 5 ‘Staches in the coming weeks…), but to make the final five I was looking for a full, even cover of most of the lower face. This sadly knocked Dave Grohl out of the running as, despite his long term love of facial hair, he has far too much cheek on display.
GROOMING was also a crucial factor, and possibly a contentious one at that. A neat neck-line was a plus, but over-egging the pudding (a la Prince) was a negative.
FAME. In the event of two beards being of equal might and worthiness, the deciding factor was merely one of in-band rank: front-men out rank bassists, guitarists outrank drummers, etc.
Last but not least, COMMITMENT was arguably the most important of the judging criteria. Any rockstar can grow a beard for a couple of months or so, but what we were looking for here was a long-term beard strategy; i.e. noone actually knows what their face looks like…
3. Sam Beam from Iron and Wine. Sometimes unkempt and huge, sometimes neat and trimmed, yet always so, so dense. Beam’s brush is a lesson to us all.
2. Ben Bridwell from Band of Horses. All hail the almighty neck-beard. Clearly a discerning man of taste and style.
1. E from Eels. The king of all indie rock beards by some distance, and as far as I can tell it’s the only one on this list to be worn “ironically”. Bask in the glory of its thickness and coverage.
*This is also an mp3less post, owing to my decision to keep this blog 100% legal.