Gather round, children, while I tell you something you already know: it’s been ages since anything at all has happened on this site.

I’ve been on something of a hiatus lately.  This is partly because when the UK summer festival season comes around I find the most sensible course of action is to lock the door, turn up Radio 4 and shut out all music reporting entirely.  Many people, it seems, absolutely love festivals, and it appears that the festival circuit is one of the few areas of the music industry that’s still in rude health.  There’s hundreds of the bloody things, covering every genre imaginable, and they’re springing up all over the place – I’d be very surprised if there hasn’t been one this summer within a few miles of where you live*.  And yet for all the fuss, all the hype, all the enthusiasm, who are we really kidding? Music festivals have as much to do with music as McDonald’s has to food.  Don’t get me wrong, live music is great, but in a field? Through a completely inadequate PA? In the rain? Considerably less great, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Of course, I’m back to telling you things you all already know.  Every man jack of you could tell me that festivals are all about “the experience”.  And there’s the rub; it’s not an experience I have any interest in.  I’m not a complete misanthrope – I can boogie on down with the best of them at a proper gig – but my capacity for hanging around in big crowds listening to tinny, indistinct dance music died with my teens.  And there’s something about festivals that completely fails to bring out the best in bands, too.  The restrictions on the band’s set list being the main culprit for sub-par performances: It’s got to be short (usually 15-20 minutes), so there’s no time to warm up or find a groove.  It’s got to fit the “vibe”; more so than in any other situation, a band’s set has to fit the mood of the whole event, which invariably means that the songs have to be “up beat” and “dancy” (makes you shudder, doesn’t it). And you’ve got to play the hits; the eclecticism of festival line-ups means that only a small proportion of the audience are there to see a specific band, so winning over new fans is the prime priority for any performer.

But in my eyes the single most horrendous thing about the summer festival season is the media coverage.  From May through to September we’re inundated – nay, bombarded – with festival features and special reports and “front line” coverage, the sum total of which is basically “Look at me! I’m having such a good time!  And I’m with all these famous people!”.  Verily, the only sane response is to give the whole shebang a wide berth.

And that, yer honour, is why I’ve not written anything lately.  Honest, guv, it’s not because I’m lazy or easily distracted.  Seriously.

So it came as quite a surprise, I don’t mind telling you, to hear that I’d won a “Web Excellency Award”.  Now I imagine you’ve never heard of the Theatre Seat Store (lord knows I hadn’t) and probably have even less idea why they’re giving out awards for excellency in music blogs, but they’ve gone and done it anyway.  There’s four categories, music, film, interior design, and AV equipment specialists; an odd mix, to be sure, but if I was trying to entice potential customers to buy my cinema chairs then those are certainly the areas I’d be focusing my sights on.  Ultimately it’s a cynical ploy to get websites that they think appeal to their target demographic to link to the Theatre Seat Store (as I have, indeed, done), but I didn’t get to where I am today by ignoring praise, no matter how faint.  So I shall accept this accolade in the spirit with which it is given, and from now on shall prefix “Eaten by Monsters blog” with the phrase “the award winning…”

And actually, their home cinema chairs do look pretty awesome.  If only I had a proper cinema room.  And more money than sense…

*Unless, of course, you don’t live on or around this sceptre’d isle; much to my dismay I’m not enough of a jet-setter to comment on the international festival scene with any authority.